Selfish vs. Self-care Valentine’s Day Edition

Written by Meredith Kimmel

February 12, 2020

Friday is Valentine’s Day.  I have never been much of a fan of the holiday.  That being said, I love love.  It’s wonderful to be in love.  I love the notion of celebrating your love. I just don’t believe that there needs to be a specific day to do that. 

Celebrate your love every day.  You have worked hard on your relationship and that should always be celebrated.  If you want to buy flowers, go out for dinner, or give a gift, why isn’t August 26 just as good as February 14?

In my blog last week, I talked about selfish vs. self-care.  There are a few schools of thought regarding love.  One school of thought is that being in love is the most selfish act one can do.  On the other end of the spectrum, another school of thought is that being in love is the most selfless act one can do.  In between, there are many schools of thought.  Truth be told, I’m not sure where I stand on the spectrum. What I am sure of is that one cannot enter into a lasting, meaningful, and deep relationship without first being right with themselves.  In order to find the love that we celebrate on Valentine’s Day we need to engage in self-care. 

As I said in last week’s blog, “Self-care” is “care for oneself”.  You need to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and be comfortable with yourself before letting another person share your life with you. 

We all have baggage.  We all have been hurt. We have all had our heart broken.  That is okay.  We have all survived those events.  I believe that before we enter into a new relationship and bring someone into our universe, we need to take time to heal ourselves. 

Just like I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day, I’m not a fan of jumping from one relationship to another.  I also know lots of people are scared to be alone.  When you jump from one relationship to another, you are not giving yourself the opportunity to heal and learn from the previous relationship.  In fact, I think one of the most selfish things that a person can do is to jump from one relationship into the next without giving themselves time to recover. 

Being alone is not scary nor is it lonely.  Being alone is a sign of strength.  Being alone and allowing yourself the time to heal is self-care.  Learning how to function without a partner is self-care.  Taking yourself out on a date is self-care.  Learning how to be comfortable with yourself is definitely self-care.  Once you master that, you are ready to give your heart again and truly love. 

No matter where you stand on the spectrum between love is the most selfish act or the most selfless act, remember that before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself. 

Loving yourself is not selfish, it’s the best self-care.

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